Schmetterlinge im Bauch haben

It's certainly been a while. But I certainly haven't forgotten about this place.

I'm now an NCO student in the Finnish Defence Forces in the AT Company of the Pori Brigade. And I have some 285 mornings left until I get out. One thing about the military is that it's certainly way different from everything I ever thought it would be like. I made the right decision to step into service and I'm glad I got into the company I wanted as well as into NCO training. At the moment though, I'm tired as hell. We got back from a three-day camp on Thursday, got on leave on Friday evening and then had a christening on Saturday. Tomorrow we're heading back for five days of camp. There's no time to really relax and let go when you have just two days of leave and the other day was booked a week in advance.
What I want right now is a big red fast forward button. I'm nervous about being responsible for all the equipment we bring to the camp next week and I don't want to mess it up. Also, I have this gnawing feeling of just wanting to get out. Not quit in the middle of it all, but to just get it all done with.

The feeling at the back of my head of wanting to get on the road doesn't help either. By what I gather, it's a pretty common idea to go on a trip after the service. Understandable, since the fall back into civilian life might need some getting used to and perhaps a change of scenery will help with that.
I'll have to check my budget around the time I get out, but I really want to make that trip. I also want to move to my own place at some point after getting out next summer, so there is a risk of it becoming a decision between a place of my own and a trip. And no matter what the destination would be and who were waiting for me on the other end, I'm no sure if I'm ready to sacrifice a place of my own for a passing moment.

Right now I want things to work on so many levels right now that my thoughts are getting bunched up again. Need to concentrate, put the future in the future and take it easy with the present.

P.S. Congratulations to Vinski Armas Elokas Kuusela for getting a name. From dear old godfather.