Heat Makes You Bonkers

Shit... Aside from last night, the previous three nights have been hell. I was actually anxious of going to sleep last night and put it off before finally practically passing out. All because I was having weird ass dreams and kept waking up every two hours only to fall asleep and have the weird ass dreams continue.

The weirdest dream I had was seemingly a looong dream. Even by my standards. It was about a war against Russia, go figure. I was a squad leader on the frontlines of the conflict and the entire experience was like from an FPS. The most vivid portion was assaulting a house, going room by room either as the lead or alone. Sliced two soldiers with a bayonet with plenty of gore.
The only reason for the dream I can figure out would be that I'm either nervous or anxious about my upcoming entry into the world of the Finnish Defence Forces. Well, I wouldn't call myself nervous. I'll probably be nervous the previous day or two and then when I get there, but not this far before. I'm probably more anxious since I can finally get there and enter military service, which is a long-standing wish and dream. And this heat isn't helping, since I tend to shift a lot in my sleep when it's hot enough.

There's also another thing, but I'm not sure if this was a dream or just a sensation in the aftermath or just generally a light bulb going off in my head. And that has to do with being single. Seven years of an on-off long-distance relationship breaking up was first horrible, then it became a sense of freedom. During the last year of vocational school, I started to enjoy life much more by going out with friends and seeking to get out of the house. I got something to fill the void of being at home and not having someone to chat to over the net. And it felt great for a time.
Unfortunately, it seems I miss being tied down. Call me stupid, but I think I kind of like having something dependable, even if it is a fucked up jumble sale of shitstorms, drama and broken hearts. Sure, I miss her first and foremost, since that's what I know and that was my first love.
However, I think I've also met someone else who I might want to start something with. Unfortunately, there's a slight problem of distance there as well. Sure, it's about 890km less than the previous one, but hey it's still a distance. At least she'll come back to Turku at some point before I enter the military, so I might have some time to woo her xD

Ett liv utan kärlek är som ett år utan sommar.